respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
