Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
