one might say we're banned from that church
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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