i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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