...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
