If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
