I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
