She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
