HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize