I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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