I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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