I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
