i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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