he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
