my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
