I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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