I feel like abortions should bother me more
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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