oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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