Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Someone came in the potted fern
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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