Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
