Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
