He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you would pick up someone in the library
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
