At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
