I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
