her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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