also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
