I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
