Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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