Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
