hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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