my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
