i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
