so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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