Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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