explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
