i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
