Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Randomize
