The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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