When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
