If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
