I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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