What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
