My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
