You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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