Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i think im in europe. pls send help
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
