i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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