Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we should paint friendship bongs
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