So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
