so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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