Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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