I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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