umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize