Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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