After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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