there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
