Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
