if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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