your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
