I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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