I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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