Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
