I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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