is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
