Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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