Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We had sex on a dog bed..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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