i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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