There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
