no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
