I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
