There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize