honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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