Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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